Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
