if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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