He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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