is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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