If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
