Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
