you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
