dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
