You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
