I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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