Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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