i don't like sucking hair
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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