i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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