So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
