yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize