i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
