i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize