I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
