I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
