My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
