Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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