Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
