Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
