Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
