does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
