Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
