hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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