i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
