fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
