You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
