I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
