Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
