Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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