Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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