I'm really into asian looking animals
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He shit in the fireplace
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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