seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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