I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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