I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize