Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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