I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
