My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize