I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
