Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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