just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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