i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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