Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
