another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is Oprah even human
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
