there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
