After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
false alarm, still single
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