Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
BRING THE BAGELS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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