I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize