oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
