I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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