Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
