and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize