You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
