it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
