Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
