So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
