what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
