So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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