Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
