I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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