weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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