I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize