Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
