Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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