There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
